The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
