If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
