i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Randomize
