yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
