I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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