Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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