i would punch a child for taco bell
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
