Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
