everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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