working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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