She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
