that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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