You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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