Just cropdusted the office
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
