Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
