I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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