very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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