Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize