I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
