I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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