Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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