That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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