she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
