Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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