Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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