The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
