I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Your dad touched me again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
