my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
