No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
