just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
