I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
