I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
