I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
