i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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