there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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