she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
