I wish I could teleport
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
