Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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