My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
