pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
