The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
