By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He passed out mid-signature
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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