He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
