So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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