i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
