dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
