I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
