Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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