I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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