Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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