Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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