i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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