I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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