When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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