i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
