You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
