when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
