Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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