Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
