dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
