just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
