quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
