Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
