Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
