Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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