I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
