next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Randomize
