is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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