There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
