her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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