shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
