Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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