Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
