Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
