Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
