I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
