I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm at about main and main street
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
