Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
