The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
